(Mild spoilers for Happiest Season)

If you’re a follower of my blog, you know I love movies. There wasn’t a whole lot to do where I grew up in northern Michigan, so most weekends my parents drove us half an hour to the closest Big Town (i.e. someplace with a stoplight, Walmart, and a KFC) to go to the movies. Sometimes we’d even see a new movie on both Friday and Saturday night. And in that darkened movie theater, I was transported to another place, and sometimes another era or world. It was probably at the movies where I first suspected I might be gay—particularly when I went to see Titanic SIX TIMES in the theater and couldn’t stop thinking about Rose.

I don’t pretend to be a screenwriter, but I am a storyteller. I’ve also suffered through just about every queer film ever produced, particularly in the lean years when we were thirsty for representation that even just a lingering glance between two female characters would sustain me (and prompt me to scribble away at some fanfiction worlds where they would inevitably fall in love).

I am admittedly obsessed with Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas movies. Even when it’s not December, my DVR is filled with my favorite films. I love every trope, every predictable storyline, every Candace Cameron Bure dimpled smile. So when I read the news that Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis were going to be starring in a new holiday rom-com, written and directed by Clea Duvall, I hadn’t been so excited for a film since Carol. And, boy, did I excited about Carol. But when I learned that Happiest Season was going to be a Coming Out film, my excitement waned. Again? It’s 2020, and we’re going to do that again?

I’m not going to join the chorus of folks who think Mackenzie Davis’ character was horrible and that Kristen Stewart’s character should have run away with Aubrey Plaza—that’s not my axe to grind. Instead, I’d like to spill a few words on why we don’t have to be satisfied with this film.

I’ve written about this elsewhere, but I’ve been out of the closet for a long ass time. I also don’t think that being a lesbian is my only defining feature. I’ve got a PhD in American history. I write books. I probably love my cat too much. I’m bonkers about sports and New England Double IPAs. I’m an avid hiker. Oh, and I also have a wife. So when I write love stories, the Coming Out experience is never an issue. With the one exception of Second Chances, no one is forced back into the closet. No one has to be a dirty little secret. No one has to experience homophobia from their own partner. Instead it’s things like age, or distance, or occupations, or socio-economic status that challenge my would-be couples.

I never take for granted that my sexuality has not alienated me from my family or friends or my job or housing. I’m writing from a place of privilege, for sure. However, I still have to frequently Come Out, because we all know it’s an everyday occurrence. But maybe I don’t need to be reminded of that constantly in my Christmas rom-com films.

Where are the films where two gay ladies, who have never met before, get stranded at an airport on Christmas Eve and then they fall in love? Or the lesbian land developer who travels to the remote, small town with the intention of buying up all of the land to build luxury condos, only to end up falling in love with the lesbian who runs the local Christmas tree farm. Or sisters who switch lives for a week. And the gay sister—who is a high-powered advertising executive in real life—falls in love with the small-town lesbian baker who recently entered a gingerbread house contest. These are the holiday movies I want to watch; I want to suspend my disbelief that we live in a world where two people don’t have to make a big deal about their sexuality and can just fall in love because one is a hopeless optimist who loves Christmas carols and hot chocolate and the other one is a cynic who rekindles their love of Christmas when they go on a scavenger hunt with the other main character at an Arts and Crafts Fair.

For me, Happiest Season was more for straight audiences than it was for us. It’s hard to articulate why I feel this way, but I do. And I’d love to hear your reactions to the film in the Comments.

Between Lifetime and Hallmark, 70 new Christmas films were produced this year. And of those 70 movies, only one centers on a gay couple. The Christmas Set-Up (which premieres on Lifetime on Friday, December 12th) will feature a real-life married couple, who play former high school friends who reconnect while one of them (a corporate lawyer from NYC) is visiting his family in Milwaukee. I recognize that these networks are only just starting to produce films starring people of color, interracial couples, those of non-Christian faith, etc., but I can’t wait for the day when we don’t have to pin all of our hopes and dreams on one film.